Renee and Drew Perry watched the construction of the elementary school being built in their neighborhood just two blocks from their house. The dream was for their son, Andrew, to attend the school. They weren’t sure it would be possible because Andrew used a wheelchair, was nonverbal and had significant disabilities. They were afraid that Andrew wouldn’t be welcomed by the school or the families.
A couple of weeks before school started Renee and Drew talked to the principal of the new school. They were relieved and surprised at how receptive he was to the idea of Andrew attending school. He asked Renee to get a pager so she could be reached right away if there were any medical issues and promised a full-time aide to facilitate Andrew’s participation in classroom activities. After the initial shock wore off, the kindergarten teacher realized that she wasn’t going to be alone in supporting Andrew and welcomed him into her classroom.
Andrew’s attendance from day one made it easy for his classmates to accept him just like any other classmate. Early in the year someone from the school district suggested starting a Circle of Friends. They thought it would be helpful to have a small group of children get to know Andrew and help to support him. The teacher recommended several children that she thought might be interested in participating. Renee facilitated the 30 minutes once a week meeting during lunch time. The meetings were focused on the kids’ ideas about how Andrew could participate in the class. She started by asking the kids to brainstorm what they noticed about Andrew’s likes and dislikes. Each week a different child would bring something from home that they enjoyed and wanted to share with Andrew. The kids loved being a part of the Circle of Friends and soon other children were asking to be a part of the group, so they started a waiting list. It was a magical year and considered a success by everyone involved.
Everybody at school knew Andrew. Kids of all ages said hello when walking on the bike trail. One time when the Perry’s were out walking, a 6-year-old boy broke away from his mother and zoomed toward Andrew. He said excitedly, “Mom, it’s Andrew. I want to say hi to Andrew!” The mother was mortified, but Renee assured her it was alright and invited them both over to say hi to Andrew. The boy knew Andrew from school. They weren’t in the same class, but he knew Andrew. He wasn’t afraid of the boy in the wheelchair. And now the mother wasn’t afraid either. Andrew’s attendance at school had normalized Andrew’s presence in the community.
Relationships between children and families were further strengthened in first grade when the teacher suggested looping, keeping the kids in Andrew’s class together for first and second grade. The families understood the benefits of keeping this group of kids together and supported the idea. In the following grades some parents specifically asked if their child could be in Andrew’s class.
The Circle of Friends weekly meetings continued through elementary school, middle school, and high school. To make sure the kids who went to different schools weren’t left out, the Perry’s hosted annual Halloween Parties. To celebrate High School Graduation the Perry’s hosted a party and invited Andrew’s Circle of Friends and all of Andrews teachers and family friends. The Perry’s created a video of pictures from Andrew’s life and included pictures of Andrew’s family and friends throughout the years. The video celebrated the accomplishments of every member of Andrew’s Circle of Friends. Tears of pride and happiness filled the entire gathering. It was a joyful and emotional end to Andrew’s school years. The Circle of Friends went their separate ways to college and careers, but they continued to stay connected with the Perrys. They had reunions at Thanksgiving and stayed in touch with Facebook. The Perry’s were invited to showers, weddings and other important life events.
Andrew’s friendship with kids in the Circle of Friends had a significant impact on each of them. Some described their friendship with Andrew in their college applications. Others said that it had influenced their career choice. One of them became a pediatrician who during her residency happened to take care of a child with lissencephaly, the same rare genetic disorder that Andrew had. Another friend became a physical therapist because she wanted to help kids like Andrew. Another friend said she became a counselor because she learned empathy from Andrew.
In the summer of 2021 Andrew became ill with an infection and pneumonia. At the age of 34 he had to go the hospital for the first time. He was put on a ventilator and was sedated. The Perry’s needed to show the doctors and nurses that Andrew had a full and active life and that he was a valued member of his community, not just a “pitiful kid.”. They started by placing a big picture of Andrew’s Circle of Friends right in the middle of the whiteboard in the ICU. All around the room they put up photos of Andrew’s favorite activities: swimming in the pool at his house, walking with his mom and dad on the bike trails, playing with his dog, Frankie, and being with friends. To help the doctors and nurses understand the impact that Andrew had on others, Renee shared essays that Andrew’s friends had written about their friendship with Andrew and a Sacramento Bee newspaper article that had been written about Andrew’s Circle of Friends.
The medical providers had never cared for anyone like Andrew before. Despite the severity of Andrew’s disabilities, he had an active life: he had a beautiful contagious smile; he had a dog that he played with and slept with; he swam in a pool with his family; he was part of a community; he had friends. With the help of pictures and stories of Andrew’s Circle of Friends that began in kindergarten, the medical providers had a new view of Andrew. Andrew’s pulmonologist assured the Perry’s that he understood their vision for Andrew and that he would do what he could to help Andrew regain the life he had before he came to the hospital.
Sadly, Andrew was not able to recover from his collapsed lung or fight off the two kinds of anti-biotic resistant bacteria in his system. One of the last voices that he heard was from his Circle of Friends. Renee held the phone up to Andrew’s ear so he could hear his friend Jessica. Jessica reassured him and told him she loved him.
In June 2022 the Perry’s held a memorial for Andrew. It started with a walk on the bike trail to a bench the Perry’s had made in remembrance of Andrew. The plaque on the bench says, “In Loving Memory of Andrew Perry, His greatest gift was his smile, 2021.” The bench will always be a reminder that Andrew was an important part of his community.
Quotes from Andrew’s Friends:
Evan Levy, age 13, at his Bar Mitzvah:
“One of the most important things in my life has been to be part of a group that started in elementary school, known as the “Circle of Friends”, we would read stories to Andrew, listen to music together, and do activities that might help Andrew experience as much as possible. Although I now attend a different school than most of the group, Andrew’s Circle of Friends helped me to understand that having a positive approach instead of just focusing on the difficulties of a situation can lead to great results. I am certain that without saying a word, Andrew has taught his friends a lot more than we could ever hope to teach him.”
Meghan Buckner age 14:
“Even though Andrew can’t verbally respond, I have learned from his actions. I have learned to give people a deeper look and take the chance and be a friend to them and make their day brighter. He has also taught me to not be afraid of people different from me, and that not everyone is the same. Even when I am old and crippled I will always remember Andrew Perry, the boy who taught me to love!”
Andrew’s Kindergarten Report Card:
“Andrew is a joy to have in my class this year. To be honest I was a little anxious when I heard he was going to be in my class this year. I had no idea what I could do to stimulate him. It was a waste of my time to worry about it. He has added so much to our class this year. I am always amazed at how well everyone interacts with Andrew. They thrive for his attention. Circle of Friends is a great example of this.”
“The fact that Andrew made such a huge positive impact on others around him gave us the motivation and strength to persevere through the difficult times.” – Renee and Drew Perry